What our choice of games says about how we compete, take risks, and decide which tables we’re willing to sit at.
Mahjong is having a moment. A big one.
Women are signing up for lessons, forming clubs, hosting mahjong nights, and buying elaborate sets of colorful tiles. It’s become the social activity everyone seems to want in on.
And I find it fascinating.
I’ve spent 20 years building PokerDivas, getting women to the poker table, not to turn them into gamblers, but to help them become better negotiators, decision-makers, and strategic thinkers.
So naturally, I have a question.
Why are women embracing mahjong with such enthusiasm while so many still hesitate to sit down at a poker table?
Both games involve strategy, probability, uncertainty, and competition. Both require concentration and decision-making. And neither is particularly easy to master.
In fact, American mahjong offers dozens of possible winning combinations, while poker has just nine basic hand rankings.
So what’s really going on?
1. Mahjong vs. Poker: Is One the More Comfortable Choice?
Think about how women get introduced to mahjong.
Four girlfriends sign up for lessons together. Nobody knows what they’re doing. Nobody feels intimidated. Everyone starts on equal footing.
Now imagine a woman walking into a poker room filled with experienced players, most of them men. She doesn’t know the rules, the language, or the etiquette. She may worry about making a mistake or looking foolish.
Which table would you rather sit at?
But here’s where it gets interesting.
Does that same hesitation follow women into the workplace?
Does the fear of looking foolish keep them from speaking up in a meeting? Does the discomfort of asking for something keep them from negotiating a higher salary? Does the fear of rejection stop them from putting themselves forward for a promotion?
Are we choosing environments where we know we’ll be accepted instead of learning how to compete in environments where we may not feel welcome?
And if that’s the case, what opportunities are we leaving on the table?
I don’t think women lack confidence or competitive instincts. I’ve seen quite the opposite.
But there’s a difference between being competitive when you’re comfortable and being willing to compete when you’re not.
And that may be the most important difference between mahjong and poker.
2. Poker Has a Reputation Problem
Say “poker” and many women picture a table full of men, cigar smoke, whiskey, and a competitive environment where they don’t feel particularly welcome.
Is that an accurate picture of poker today? Not necessarily.
But perception matters.
For decades, poker has been marketed as a man’s game. Mahjong, on the other hand, has developed a reputation as a social activity where women belong.
Think about that.
One game makes women feel like outsiders looking in. The other practically sends them an invitation.
And often, the decision about which game to try is made before anyone even learns the rules.
3. Mahjong Feels Like Less of a Gamble
Poker and gambling are practically synonymous. And for many women, that’s a turnoff.
Historically, women are less likely to be high-stakes gamblers.
But I wonder whether the issue is really gambling or the perception of financial risk.
Research on loss aversion tells us that losing money can feel more painful than winning the same amount feels rewarding.
In poker, that risk is front and center. You make a decision, put chips into the pot, and potentially lose because you made the wrong call.
Mahjong can involve gambling, too. But the social versions most are embracing often involve little or no money.
You’re competing, but you don’t necessarily feel like you’re risking anything significant.
And that raises another question.
When women negotiate, are they sometimes more focused on what they might lose by asking than on what they stand to gain?
A poker player learns that avoiding every risk isn’t a winning strategy.
4. Mahjong Offers a Different Kind of Certainty
This may be one of the most interesting differences.
In mahjong, you’re working toward specific combinations. You have a defined set of winning hands, particularly in the American version, where players use an annual card.
There are plenty of unknowns. You don’t know which tiles you’ll draw or what your opponents are holding. You still need strategy, flexibility, and judgment.
But the roadmap is right in front of you.
Poker is different.
You may know exactly what beats what, but that doesn’t tell you whether your opponent is bluffing, whether your hand is good enough, or whether you should bet, raise, or walk away.
You can make the right decision and still lose. You can make a terrible decision and win.
And sometimes the strongest hand at the table isn’t the winning hand.
Poker forces you to make decisions when the information is incomplete and the outcome is uncertain.
Sound familiar? It should. That’s business. That’s negotiating. That’s life.
You don’t get a card telling you exactly when to ask for a raise, how much to negotiate, or whether your boss is bluffing when they say there’s no money in the budget.
You have to read the situation, weigh the odds, and decide whether to make your move.
5. Mahjong Makes Socializing the Main Event
Four friends. A table. Some food. A few drinks. A regular weekly date.
Mahjong has become a reason to get together.
And let’s not underestimate the value of that.
Women are looking for connection. They’re looking for activities that are intellectually stimulating but still fun. They’re looking for communities.
Mahjong delivers.
Of course, poker can deliver the same experience. I’ve watched many friendships form around poker tables for years.
But here’s the difference: Mahjong has successfully positioned itself as a social experience first and a competitive game second.
Poker has done almost the opposite.
And mahjong has another advantage: It’s become fashionable.
Beautiful tiles, designer sets, attractive accessories, clubs, and events have turned an old game into a lifestyle experience.
Women aren’t just learning mahjong. They’re joining something.
Poker hasn’t managed to create that same invitation for women.
At least not yet.
6. In Mahjong, You Compete. In Poker, You Confront.
I don’t buy the argument that women aren’t competitive. I’ve watched too many women go after a winning hand to believe that.
But there’s a difference between wanting to win and being comfortable putting someone else in a position to lose.
In poker, you can bluff. You can raise the stakes. You can pressure an opponent into folding a better hand. You can deliberately exploit another player’s hesitation.
You’re not simply trying to assemble a winning hand. You’re trying to outthink the person sitting across from you.
That takes a different kind of confidence.
Mahjong certainly involves reading the table and adjusting to opponents. But poker makes interpersonal pressure a central part of the game.
And I wonder whether that makes some people uncomfortable.
Not because they lack the ability.
Because they haven’t necessarily been encouraged to use it.
Think about how often women are told to be collaborative, agreeable, supportive, and accommodating.
Those are valuable qualities. Until they become liabilities.
Because sometimes getting what you deserve requires pushing back, challenging someone else’s position, or making a move that isn’t particularly comfortable.
You can be collaborative and still be a formidable negotiator.
But you have to be willing to play the hand.
7. Mahjong Is Socially Acceptable. Poker Still Feels a Little Rebellious.
Nobody raises an eyebrow when a woman announces she’s joining a mahjong group.
Tell someone you’re going to a poker game, and the reaction can be quite different.
Mahjong sounds like recreation.
Poker sounds like risk.
Mahjong sounds like friendship.
Poker sounds like confrontation.
Yet both demand intelligence, strategy, and competitive instincts.
The difference may have less to do with the games themselves and more to do with the stories we’ve been told about them.
And perhaps the stories women tell themselves.
So Here’s My Provocative Question: Is Mahjong a Cop-Out for Women?
Before you get mad, hear me out.
I’m not suggesting mahjong is easy. It isn’t. And I’m certainly not suggesting women who play it lack ambition or competitiveness.
But I do wonder whether mahjong allows women to satisfy their competitive instincts without having to confront some of the uncomfortable things that poker demands.
Taking a calculated risk.
Making a bold move.
Reading someone’s intentions.
Bluffing with confidence.
Being willing to lose.
And perhaps most importantly, becoming comfortable making other people uncomfortable.
Those aren’t just poker skills. They’re leadership skills.
But I can’t help wondering whether there’s something we’re avoiding when we choose the game that feels more comfortable.
Are women choosing mahjong because they love the game, or because poker asks them to play in a way they’ve never been encouraged to?
And if we aren’t willing to take a seat at a poker table, where else might we be holding ourselves back?
Maybe it’s time to stop choosing the table where we feel most comfortable and start asking what we could gain by sitting at one that challenges us.
After all, it’s not about the cards. It’s about the people.
I’d love to hear from women who play mahjong, poker, or both. What draws you to one game over the other? And is it possible that the game we resist might be the one that has the most to teach us?
