Have you ever wondered why some people seem to effortlessly read the room, making exactly the right move at precisely the right moment? Whether it’s at the poker table or the boardroom table, the key often lies in understanding people’s underlying motivations. Mastering the skill of understanding what drives others not only gives you an edge but also transforms how effectively you play your hand, both in cards and in life.
Imagine you have two strong candidates interviewing for the same job. Both are skilled, personable, and qualified. To make a decision, you dig deeper. One candidate seeks stability and a steady paycheck in a well-established company. The other is eager for the chance to innovate, create new products, and shake things up.
Who gets hired? It depends entirely on your company’s goals: maintaining the status quo or driving innovation.
We all play games—whether it’s poker, business, or everyday life—for different reasons. Sometimes, we chase the adrenaline rush of winning. Other times, it’s about building relationships or enjoying social interactions. The key to success and strong relationships is knowing why others are at the table.
What’s Driving Their Play?
In poker, the social player who’s just there for fun won’t mind losing a few chips because they came for entertainment. You’ll handle that player differently than someone desperately trying to win enough money to cover their monthly bills.
The same concept applies directly to business. The most effective leaders instinctively seek to understand what motivates their team and partners. Recognizing whether someone’s motivation is power, stability, status, financial gain, or building relationships can give you a powerful advantage. When you satisfy their motivations, they’re much more likely to support yours.
Match the Motivation
Think about your boss. Is their primary goal to keep harmony in the team, or are they laser-focused on surpassing competitors and moving up the ladder? The clearer you are on their motivations, the better you can manage expectations—and even decide whether you’re in the right game.
If you’re an innovator working under a boss who avoids risks, frustration is inevitable. Likewise, if you’re all about work-life balance, but your manager thrives on a 24/7 grind, you’ll quickly discover it’s a mismatch.
Five Key Questions to Ask Yourself at Any Table:
- What motivates those around me?
Is your colleague pushing for a promotion, or are they just playing it safe to keep their job secure? Pay attention to their actions and ask if you’re unsure. Motivations often drive behaviors silently but powerfully. - Do their motivations align with mine?
Maybe your boss is ambitious, regularly staying late, but you prefer to clock out at five. Knowing this upfront can help you set realistic expectations or make necessary changes. - Have their motivations shifted over time?
Just as poker strategies can evolve during a game, people’s motivations can change. Your colleague who was content with their position last year might now be aiming for a leadership role. Recognizing these shifts is crucial for adjusting your approach. - What’s their real goal?
Someone focused entirely on innovation might dismiss workplace traditions. A coworker chasing promotions may struggle to empathize with your desire for balance. Just like folding a losing poker hand, you might need to drop a strategy or even a relationship if the alignment isn’t there. - Am I still in the right game?
Is your current environment still a good fit, or have goals diverged? Are your teammates team-oriented, or has personal ambition taken precedence? Recognizing this helps you decide whether to stay or find a better table.
Stay Ahead of the Game
Understanding motivations is your secret weapon in navigating relationships—at the poker table, in business meetings, or even casual lunches with friends. Next time you’re seated, take a moment to ask yourself: Why are they really here?
Figure that out, and you’re already ahead of the game.
